rebirth

i open my eyes to see the darkness fade away

into the brown of my iris

the world is new and naked like my body

was when i first came into this world

blue and unbreathing

they would not take me into that light

when i was just a moment old,

and they have sent me back time and time again.

 

and so now my eyes are finally open

to the wonder and beauty

and i wonder what it is i will choose

this time round…

i am awake and the darkness has faded

into something so much softer

and i am now naked as i was thirty years ago.

reminds me of you

Depression is my disease

It has been my manufacture

My coping mechanism

My crutch

My excuse

Everything reminds me of you

 

You have been my depression

My disease

My manufacture of reason to hate myself

You have been the blade

I drag across my arm

The tears that fall from my eyes

Everything reminds me of you

 

Hope is my salvation

Hope has become my song

My breath

My dream

 

Soon nothing will remind me of you

no night in my days

 there is no night in my days

nothing when it comes to you

just sunshine keeping me awake for days

on and on

and I am so tired

I can not comprehend where one ends and another begins

 

I never know what to do when it comes to you

sometimes I fill up with tears

and these tears mean nothing to you…

You just see this as my own destruction

and nothing that has been the result

of you

 

you take no part of blame,

I know this was not all my own doing

for you were the one who spoke of futures

of plans, of making things work

when I seemed so reversed towards you

and I see now

it was your little game

 

there is no night in my days

and this is just a passing phase

and I will feel

release from you soon

give me an hour or two

with the bottle

and you will mean nothing to me

Black Balloon

You are my black balloon

Filled with sadness

And harmony

There is no in between when it comes to you and me

You want nothing and I want it all

All of you

Every part of misery and hope

In your black drawn heart

You are my black balloon.

 

Take me into the sunlight of your storm

And rest my heart upon the torn

Edges of your happiness.

You bring light into my days

And open my eyes to the light

Of day

Where I take pleasure in the

Small things

 

You are my black balloon

Floating through my veins

Like fire

Filling me up from the inside out

An empty vessel

Longing for my own ocean

To set sail upon

And my heart has been

Raining down upon me for

Far too long.