Dion

He was tall and lanky and three years older than I. He was the beginning of my fixation with tall men. He was the beginning blossom of girlhood romance, childlike innocence and first kisses. He was smart and somewhat shy in the presence of others and yet with me, he always appeared so self-assured, so confident. I was eight years old when we met. I was eight years old and diving head first into the spinning well of love’s first embrace.

My memories are somewhat tattered, torn and aged by time and yet there are snippets of time that seem to be caught between then and now and I can remember them as clearly as if they had happened only moments ago. Memories of closing my eyes so tightly when my school friend had told him that I was in love with him, closing my eyes thinking (as a child does) if I can not see him, he can not see me. But he did see me. And that rainy winter’s day marked the beginning of my romantic journey into adulthood.

He was my first kiss… hidden in the darkness of my walk-in wardrobe thinking the darkness would hide the embarrassment and clumsiness of childhood love. He is memories of silent kisses blown my way whilst our parents were not looking. He is the memory of thrill and excitement, as we are sitting at a restaurant with our families and his foot brushed my leg, his hand lingering on mine as he passed a dish to me. We were secret, silent and filled with impish inkling.

Days and evenings were spent in his parent’s basement, where we would listen to Roxette, play snooker, ping pong and darts, whilst our parents would hold their dinner parties upstairs oblivious to the blooming of loves first decree. We foolishly thought that no one knew. That our feelings were only true to ourselves, and yet, as innocence prevails, it is hard to hide what it is that is so true. We were childhood sweethearts until the high school years. We were the embodiment of hiding in the dark, snuggled under blankets watching movies in the dark and holding hands oblivious to the fact that everyone else knew. We were soft and gentle and innocent…. And then, and then we grew up and apart.

Twenty two years on, and he is now married. Our parents are still friends and still see one another, but things have been different for us for a long time now. I have become the sister he never had and our innocence remains in tact.