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I have a theory about men who like to talk about sex on the internet…. It’s not really a good theory and is probably a massive stereotype, but I will press forth. You see, I am beginning to come to the assumption that most men who contact you via online dating sites and Facebook, generally only have one thing on their mind, and it’s certainly not getting to know you.
Facebook is possibly worse than online dating sites… and I am beginning to think that perhaps I have a beacon that attracts these sorts of losers. You know, the ones who want to divulge their explicit sexual fantasies and desires to you the first time they chat to you. The thing is; is that the internet tends to remove those boundaries of personalisation. You can become whoever or whatever it is you want to become without fear or embarrassment, but I wonder, how can these people not have any regard for consequence? I mean, for me, the first thing I think about when someone says these things to me is “is this really appropriate?” I mean if we were in a pub or a club, would he bounce up to me and tell me “he would like to go down on me?” as opposed to “Hi my name is Dave?” There appears to be no boundaries when it comes to the internet and I, in my rapid approach to becoming the “ordinary woman” (the woman who wants to get married and have babies) thinks that this sort of business is extremely inappropriate.
Perhaps it was because I was brought up differently. I don’t kiss and tell and I certainly don’t divulge my desires and fantasies to complete and utter strangers. Perhaps I am a prude or naïve to even contemplate that these “men” actually want to get to know me… because it appears they might only want to “know” me in the intimate sense. So what do I do? The old me would put up with it, thinking they’re just men and this is the way men behave… and yet for some reason this does not sit well with me now. Now, now I delete them as quick as I can. I want nothing to do with men who treat me as an object in which they’d like to stick their dick into. It’s not enough any more. I want the whole deal now. I want it all.
So my theory is this… men who talk about explicit sex within ten minutes of having added you to their friends list are idiots. Complete and utter tools that lack the intelligence to know what a woman really wants. These men are the rodent faeces at the bottom of the barrel and the fact that they actually think that speaking to a woman in this demeaning manner is somewhat a turn on to us… are completely and utterly CLUELESS!
I always like the ones who don’t want me so much more than the ones that do. I like the chase I suppose. I’m competitive and perhaps I think I might be persuasive enough to get them to want me, except the only bartering tool I have is sex. The same sex that will mean triumph to me. Triumph and perhaps a little bit of something with feeling. Except, using the sex as persuasion, ends up meaning I have nothing left to offer when it’s been said and done. And I end up back in the same space I was before the sex.
So where to from here? Well, while he is absolutely gorgeous and funny and naughty, all the things that attract me to a man, he does not want me in the same way that I want him. I know this because our conversations revolve around sex. The things he would like to do to me, and there is noting softer or familiar about the conversations. They are simply glorified porn, and it is clear to me that our wants, needs and desires are completely different. So it is time to surrender the old habits. Those habits where I would normally have sex with him, because it does not matter if I have sex with him, the basis remains the same. He wants nothing more than sex, and I, well I need something more than that.
I do not need to sell myself to someone who has a habit of shopping simply because they can. In fact, I don’t want to sell myself at all. I am not for sale any more. I am instead looking for something mutually rewarding. Something mutual and soft and familiar and well… I suppose normal and stable. I need stability now in my life and the time for audacity has passed.
So I cut the cord and move on to something that is going to give me all the things I need and crave in one package, instead of finding myself falling into someone who is empty.
Is it possible to ever really have meaningless sex? Doesn’t sex always mean something to one of the parties partaking in the actual sex? You see… I have has sex with someone and not wanted to have sex with them but I have had sex with them because I could, because it gave me the power in the situation or simply to make myself feel empty and worthless afterwards. And then there has been times when I have really wanted to have sex with the other party and they’ve just had sex with me to use me, or because they simply could. But there always seems to be one party who wants more or something different to the other party. So I pose the question; is it really possible for two people to have complete, unattached sex without it ending badly, or with one party getting hurt?
There is this person, who very much would like to have sex with me. And this person is someone I would very much want to have sex with, but he has just come out of a relationship and doesn’t really want another girlfriend. He’s been honest with me, that should count for something right? But I fear I actually do like him, and if I do like him, then the possibility of me liking him more will grow with time and hence there will come a point in time when I will want more than just sex, possibly after the first time… so do I hold myself true and not give in to his wants and desires, and yet punish myself from what could be excellent sex in order to protect myself from getting hurt? Or, do I have sex with him, and then if it is good, and I want more, then stop before I can get hurt? I mean what if the sex is bad, I’ve not lost anything really.
I wish I was able to be more like a man when it came to sex. I wish I was the type of person who could have meaningless sex with another person because I simply could. Without hating myself afterwards and without wanting more, without the hang-ups and without hoping, praying he wants something more as well. Without having to think that I can change them into wanting me if I have more sex with them… but I’m not. I’m not that person and so I should save my heart now.
